


Nothing like the Discovery Channel

by silvercobwebs



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Because of Reasons, Dinosaurs, First Date, Fluff, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-07
Updated: 2013-10-07
Packaged: 2017-12-28 18:38:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/995201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silvercobwebs/pseuds/silvercobwebs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So this is a silly little Spideypool prompt fic to clear a bit of writer’s block, for Mery, who wanted a first date so ridiculous that Peter wasn’t even aware it was one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing like the Discovery Channel

'So you like Nature, huh? Wade affects his most causal air and fails miserably. 'I can't get enough of it myself, you know. All that green grass, tweety birds, and…uh… air, and-'

Local wildlife currently gnawing off your leg?’ Peter finishes, delivering a sound kick to the raptor’s bloodied face, It backs off with a snarl whilst Wade tentatively hops toward Peter, clutching his severed limb.

'Aw, c'mon now Spidey„ she's just trying to be friendly!'

Peter grabs Wade’s hand, grimaces and swings them up into the branches of the nearest tree.

'We don't have time for your usual idiocy Deadpool,' Peter scowls and finds a study bit of branch to lean on. 'I think I got some of that venom from those frilly Jurassic Park rejects in in a wound.' He cautiously takes a look at his leg and pales. Lucky Wade cant see that, what with the Spider-Man mask and all, but the merc knows bad when he sees it. 'Did I mention I really hate the Savage Land? On a scale of 1-10 it's reaching about a seven hundred and twelve right now.'

Wade watches his own leg reattach with a sickening squelch, then focuses his attention on his companion’s wound. ‘Hm,’ he frowns. ‘Well looks like you’ve got a couple of options here, sugar-loaf. I can chop that pesky little foot off for you right now – for free I might add – but I’m fairly certain you’re not going to grow a new one, or-‘

'Or what?' Peter swallows hard. He's not dizzy, really, he's just not used to.. being high up? Okay, maybe he's just not used to excessive amounts of foliage. Trees are downright tricky. And then there's all that natural light everywhere and breathtaking views. It's downright unnatural to a born and bread Queens kid. 'Oh, and don't ever call me that again.'

'Or,' Wade continues without hesitation, hand applying steady pressure around the affected area. 'I can clean it out myself. A little suck there, a hint of something there…I saw someone do something on E.R. once with a Sharpie and a spork and this is practically the exact same thing.'

'What? No! You're not supposed to do any of that!'

Wade shrugs and eyes they greying wound. ‘So says the spider-powered guy being chased by actual hungry hungry hipposaurs. Dude, I can’t believe Stan the Man made you a science geek. He thinks everything works with magnets!’

Peter sags downward, starting to feel faint. ‘Wade, just shut up and get sucking,’ he sighs, desperately hoping those aren’t the last words to ever leave his lips.

'Sweetheart, I thought you'd never ask,' Wade smirks, fluttering now uncovered eyes. 'And there I was beginning to worry that this was going to be a first date write-off!'

'Date?' Peter shrieks as Wade extracts a penknife from one of his numerous pouches. 'This is not a date! Ow!'

###

Twenty minutes later, after some awkward slurping noises and a handy dose of anti-venom Wade ‘just happened’ to have about his person, not to mention a call to SHIELD, Peter sits on his branch, gauze tightly wrapped around his thigh, the sun rising, and Wade… being alarmingly quiet. It’s all very peaceful. He’s instantly suspicious.

'Peter looks at the horizon, then his hands, and then finally at Wade as he sighs.

'I still don't see how this is remotely like a first date. It's a mission to one of the most inhospitable places in the world to pick up a really crummy obscure little plant which I may have bled over a bit… you got a leg torn off, I nearly lost my life and-'

'It was pretty awesome, wasn't it?' Wade beams happily, scooting up to Peter who is pinching the bridge of his nose. 'Besides, you're looking at it all wrong. It was an arranged gig between two world-class heroes (stop making that dumb snorty noise, Petey), to an actual vaguely interesting nature trail with frickin' dinosaurs, man! There's a pretty view, you held my hand and afterward I sucked a strange and tingly fluid from a hole in your body. How is that not a date?'

'This is utterly ridiculous,' Peter grinds out. 'You are utterly ridiculous.'

'You would have preferred bowling?'

Peter grabs a handful of spandex and very nearly growls. ‘I never said I didn’t like ridiculous. And I hate it when you’re right, for the record,’ he snarls, smashing their lips together.

The kiss is rough and a little awkward for a moment, and Peter has to stop Wade from falling out of the tree from the initial shock, but eventuality they seem to get the hang of it.

'So I hear Genosha is for lovers…'

 

-end


End file.
